i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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