when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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