people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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