sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
