My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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