I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
