I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
