Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Terrible idea I love it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
