you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
