and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
