Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She's the barista slut.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
