I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
