I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
