atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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