I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
