Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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