There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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