How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
