Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
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Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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