cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
