Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
