It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
