How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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