A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
