the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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