I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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