last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
