i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
