he puts the penis in happiness.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
