I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
