giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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