You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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