I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
