She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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