Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
