There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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