please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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