haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
