it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
