She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
