i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
