hotel room ftw
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
