she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize