I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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