Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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