so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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