who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
