Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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