I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
