Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
