In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You did what with his pubic hair?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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