its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
