people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
