Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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