Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
