My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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