I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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