I'm drive I can fine osifer
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
