dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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