Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
