Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
