She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
