if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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