Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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