i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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