She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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