um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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