i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I will die if light touches me.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
