I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
