You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
