Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize