I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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