I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
