I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
