Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
mondays should just be called national damage control day
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
