I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
