yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
