it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
