i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
